Ashley's World

How Many People Have You Been With?

2009-08-10T16:09:00.000-07:00

A question that you never see coming, but are rarely surprised to hear: How many people have you had sex with?

It’s hard to say how long into a relationship it takes for some people to start wondering this about each other. It’s usually somewhere between just before they have sex, and just after one of their first few times. But whether it is a passing curiosity or a silent alarm going off undetected in someone’s head, the question will rear its ugly head in every relationship.

Different people have different reasons for wanting to know the number of people their new boyfriend for girlfriend has had sex with. A very small percentage of people want to know solely because they care about their risk factor of catching a sexually transmitted disease. The majority of people want to know because they are curious about whether or not their experience level matches their partners. And they want to know because, way deep down inside, they are insecure or jealous.

If you feel like you need more information about your potential partner’s sex life so you can protect yourself against contracting an STD, you really should just go all the way, figuratively speaking, and ask them to be tested at a clinic. You can offer to be tested at the same time to take some of the sting out of your request. But that is the only way you can be completely sure that you know their status, and your own, if you’ve been sexually active.

When you want to know because you feel inadequate or jealous, you need to rely on a completely different test. This may also be a test that you will need to give yourself, just to make sure you are not suffering from a bad case of jealousy that could end up killing your relationship.

If the person, who has got you feeling so crazy with possessiveness, is not doing or saying things that make you feel like you are in a competition for their affection, you really won’t feel the need to know the exact number of sexual partners they’ve had. If they are constantly making references to when they were with their ex, or they keep talking about how much they like a very specific move, one that the two of you have yet to try; they are failing to make you feel secure.

When you feel secure with the person you’re with, thoughts about their relationships past are few and fleeting. And the same goes for them. If they are pressuring you for a number and details, it is a sign of their insecurity, or it could be you are revealing too many details of a past relationship that is still on your mind more than it should be.

Some say that if you are truly with the right person you can share anything with them, without fear of judgment or rejection; but what about hurting their feelings? What about putting images or thoughts into their head? Images that they were perfectly happy without.

When asked the big question, before answering, ask yourself if the information you are about share is information you would want, and answer accordingly.

How Much Of Your Personality Is You?

2009-07-06T16:36:00.001-07:00

When we first meet the person of our dreams, we make our best effort to be on our best behavior. We do everything in our power to put our best foot forward and shine. We continue to do this for as long as it takes for the other person to recognize what a great catch we would make. Sometimes this process seems effortless because the person we want to be with can see us for who we are without us having to do anything but be ourselves. Other times, we find ourselves having to make a much bigger effort to catch somebody’s attention. If, for some reason, that takes a while, we get caught in a cycle of trying to too hard.

It’s not such a bad thing to go out of our way to be the best we can to find a partner, as long as we don’t lose ourselves while doing it.

Most people do not purposely set out to deceive another by portraying themselves as somebody they are not, but even with the best of intentions, it still can happen. Often times, it happens so subtly, over time that we don’t even realize it’s happening. We may even start believing that the other person is just so good for us, that they make us want to be a better version of true selves.

We may not begin to notice something is wrong until one day, somebody we are close to, brings it to our attention. Our first instinct will be to deny it, but once the seed is planted, it takes root and grows into something much too big to ignore. Then one day we take a good look at ourselves and are shocked to find that we don’t even recognize the person we are seeing.

We may wonder how we got to this point. And bigger yet, is the realization that the person we are with, may not be in love with us, but the person we became, just to be able to be who they wanted us to be.

This big dose of reality may be hard to swallow at first, but it is an important part of being able to sort out what we are doing to please the other person, from who we really are. Chances are, the things that made us who we were, including the good, the bad, and the ugly, were pretty great as it was. And all the transformation did for us was, diminish our best qualities, leaving us with a generic version of ourselves that has us feeling pretty confused.

A person can only put on an act for so long before it starts to take away from their happiness and peace of mind. No matter how amazing, the person we were able to win over is, our whole relationship with them is a scam if they have no idea who we really are. They may even have some idea that something’s not right, but may not be able to put their finger on what. Unless we went into full change of identity mode, there have to be some parts of us, that are still recognizable, and that in itself should give hope that the relationship will continue if we drop the act, and let our true personality shine through.

Not until we let our guard down and let ourselves be revealed, will we feel truly appreciated and loved. We may lose one person, but we will gain back the one person who matters most, us.

Massage Basics

2009-06-27T13:11:00.000-07:00

Looking for a way to get deeper in touch with those you really care about? Feeling good is a good thing and knowing how to make your loved ones feel really good is possibly the most important human consideration. After a long day, there is nothing like a nice massage to erase any stresses of the day and help relax you into an enjoyable evening with your friends and family. Loved ones will have a newfound appreciation of your tender care for their personal well being and you will likely deepen all of your relationships by offering your loving touch to those in need.

How best to get started in this pleasurable world of massage and start enjoying its benefits for both you and those close to you? Let’s look at overview of some basic stroke techniques to get you started.

Basic Kneading

This technique is similar to kneading dough and thus the name. It is excellent for the back and shoulders as well as the hips and other fleshy areas.

1. Lay your hands level on the body of the person you are massaging with your elbows spread and your fingers pointing away from your body. Gently grip some flesh with one hand, and then release it into your other hand like kneading dough.

2. Take the flesh with your second hand, then releasing it again back into your first hand. Continue this kneading as many times as it feels right. If you count your strokes it should help you to keep them in a good rhythm and an even pace.

Fan Stroking
This is a very calming stroke and is also a wonderful way to apply oil to someone’s body. It also happens to be very easy to do and works well as a transition between areas of the body or as a way to rest your hands during a massage. Use this method smoothly with a steady and even pace. Changing the distance of your strokes is fine as long as you remember to maintain smooth and even pacing.
1. Put your hands next to each other, palms facing downward, on the body of the person you are massaging. Gently and smoothly slide your hands upward with your fingertips in the lead. Maintain a good posture and then lean onto your hands with some of your body weight to apply an even pressure through your palms and heels of your hands. Remember to keep your posture straight while leaning on your hands with even pressure.
2. Spread your hands across to both sides of the torso while reducing the pressure and then smoothly slide your hands down the sides of the torso. Bring your hands up and together while rotating them into the starting position to repeat the motions again. Repeat the movement again and again until the entire area is covered.

Hopefully these two basic methods will be enough to get you started. There are a lot of instructional videos online you can watch for examples. You may be so inspired after just your first couple of massages that you will actually want to look into a more formal massage training school. Massage school is a great idea and doing massage can be an emotionally rewarding vocation in addition to being a relatively financially rewarding career. Remember that studying and understanding the human anatomy thoroughly is an important aspect of good massage. It is also important to always remember to “listen” to the body of the person you are massaging. Do not go rushing through without attention to how they feel.

Basketball Is More Than Just A Game

2009-06-20T11:24:00.001-07:00

You have likely seen your fair share of basketball in your life already, and you have also most likely tried it at least once, but you may be impressed by just how effective a method it can really be for personal fitness. Many people tried it early on in school or a similar setting, but shied away from playing it later as they felt it was too competitive to be enjoyable. It all depends on who you are playing the game with. Running back and forth on the court can be amazingly beneficial for toning your legs and leaping on a regular basis can really be great for your behind. Dribbling (bouncing), passing (throwing to a teammate), and shooting (throwing the ball into the goal) are great for the arms and anyone who has seen a pro basketball player can say that it is certainly good for the overall physique. How about an additional shot of hand-eye coordination to add into the mix? Basketball has all that and more. Ah, one more thing….did I happen to mention it can be really fun to play?

So let’s take a look at the basics and get you on your way to enjoying some good “B-Ball” with your friends. You are sure to get some good exercise and hopefully have a lot of fun in the process. You might even make some new friends.

Dribbling

This is bouncing the ball. Yes, with one hand. This is great for the arms. If you stop bouncing the ball it is against the rules to walk around the court. You must either pass the ball or shoot it into the hoop. If you take a step without dribbling then this is called “traveling” and you are advised not to do this. You can, however, pivot on a single foot. The foot that is the last foot to contact the floor is free to move around and the first foot will act as a pivot. If both feet hit the floor simultaneously then either can be chosen by the player to be the pivot foot.

Passing

This is simply throwing the ball to another person on the team. It’s great for the chest and arms. There are many different ways to pass and pretty much anything goes as long as you are using your hands to throw the ball to another player. Just make sure you only pivot and don’t accidentally “travel” while passing the ball.

Shooting

This is the core of basketball and there are probably as many ways to take a shot as there are styles of swimming. It is really pretty open and new innovations continue to be made. The only guideline to focus on is getting the ball in the hoop as quickly and easily as possible. Do it as many times as you can. That is the game in a nutshell. Just make sure you shoot it into the right hoop.

Boundaries

These are the lines on the court. The lines on the outside edge of the court mark the main playing area. Inside that area is inbounds and outside that area is out-of-bounds. You want to keep the ball within those lines, otherwise if you or your teammate is the last to touch a ball that goes out of bounds, the other team will get a chance to pass the ball in from the spot the ball went out.

Those are just the basics, but it should be enough for a good and fun game of basketball without getting overly restrictive. So gather an even number of friends, choose teams, and go for it. Always remember it’s only for fun and fitness.

Natural Shampoo

2009-06-09T09:16:00.001-07:00

Our hair says a lot about us. It’s important to keep it clean and healthy. Women with long locks need extra care to make sure that hair doesn’t break and develop split ends. A good shampoo doesn’t need to cost a fortune. You can make your personalized shampoo in your kitchen, all natural and using things from your kitchen. If you can eat it then you can use it on your skin and hair. That seems to be the rule of thumb when it comes to making your own products. The same should go with products you buy as well.

Dr. Bronnon’s castile soap is my favorite. It’s all natural and is a universal soap. You can find scents like almond, peppermint, baby powder, lavender, and unscented. This soap can be used as body wash, hand soap, detergent, and dish soap. Whatever your heart desires but it is a little pricey so I would suggest it for personal use only. To make shampoo you will need about 4 oz. of Doctor Bronnon’s castile soap, ½ oz. rosemary, ½ oz. sage, ½ oz. nettle leaves, ½ oz lavender, 2000 mg of MSM, and an 8 oz. plastic bottle to store your newly made shampoo.

Mix the herbs in a jar that has a lid. Then boil about two cups of water, preferably distilled and add 3 huge tablespoons of the herbs into the boiling water. Pull the water off the heat and let the herbs steep for 40 min. After 30 min. add the 2000 mg. of MSM but once the mixture has cooled. Once the MSM is melted, strain the herbal mixture into a bowl. Pour about 2 ounces of the herbal tea into the plastic container or bottle and then add the 4 oz. of castile soap. Shake it up and there you have it, your own homemade shampoo. You can add essential oils to change the smell. Lavender is very relaxing and calming.

Rosemary is a great herb to have in your shampoo because it stimulates hair growth and can prevent baldness. Nettle leaves are great for the blood and have a great amount of nutrients for the hair. Sage is filled with antioxidants; it also acts as an antibacterial. Lavender prevents flaking of the scalp and minimizes itching. If you’re wondering what MSM is it’s an organic sulfur used to improve the over all health of the hair and scalp. It promotes nutrient absorption from all those herbs you will be applying to your hair and scalp. It’s a great shampoo and will get you hair clean, healthy and smelling great naturally. It doesn’t get better than that!