How Many People Have You Been With?

A question that you never see coming, but are rarely surprised to hear: How many people have you had sex with?

It’s hard to say how long into a relationship it takes for some people to start wondering this about each other. It’s usually somewhere between just before they have sex, and just after one of their first few times. But whether it is a passing curiosity or a silent alarm going off undetected in someone’s head, the question will rear its ugly head in every relationship.

Different people have different reasons for wanting to know the number of people their new boyfriend for girlfriend has had sex with. A very small percentage of people want to know solely because they care about their risk factor of catching a sexually transmitted disease. The majority of people want to know because they are curious about whether or not their experience level matches their partners. And they want to know because, way deep down inside, they are insecure or jealous.

If you feel like you need more information about your potential partner’s sex life so you can protect yourself against contracting an STD, you really should just go all the way, figuratively speaking, and ask them to be tested at a clinic. You can offer to be tested at the same time to take some of the sting out of your request. But that is the only way you can be completely sure that you know their status, and your own, if you’ve been sexually active.

When you want to know because you feel inadequate or jealous, you need to rely on a completely different test. This may also be a test that you will need to give yourself, just to make sure you are not suffering from a bad case of jealousy that could end up killing your relationship.

If the person, who has got you feeling so crazy with possessiveness, is not doing or saying things that make you feel like you are in a competition for their affection, you really won’t feel the need to know the exact number of sexual partners they’ve had. If they are constantly making references to when they were with their ex, or they keep talking about how much they like a very specific move, one that the two of you have yet to try; they are failing to make you feel secure.

When you feel secure with the person you’re with, thoughts about their relationships past are few and fleeting. And the same goes for them. If they are pressuring you for a number and details, it is a sign of their insecurity, or it could be you are revealing too many details of a past relationship that is still on your mind more than it should be.

Some say that if you are truly with the right person you can share anything with them, without fear of judgment or rejection; but what about hurting their feelings? What about putting images or thoughts into their head? Images that they were perfectly happy without.

When asked the big question, before answering, ask yourself if the information you are about share is information you would want, and answer accordingly.