When we first meet the person of our dreams, we make our best effort to be on our best behavior. We do everything in our power to put our best foot forward and shine. We continue to do this for as long as it takes for the other person to recognize what a great catch we would make. Sometimes this process seems effortless because the person we want to be with can see us for who we are without us having to do anything but be ourselves. Other times, we find ourselves having to make a much bigger effort to catch somebody’s attention. If, for some reason, that takes a while, we get caught in a cycle of trying to too hard.
It’s not such a bad thing to go out of our way to be the best we can to find a partner, as long as we don’t lose ourselves while doing it.
Most people do not purposely set out to deceive another by portraying themselves as somebody they are not, but even with the best of intentions, it still can happen. Often times, it happens so subtly, over time that we don’t even realize it’s happening. We may even start believing that the other person is just so good for us, that they make us want to be a better version of true selves.
We may not begin to notice something is wrong until one day, somebody we are close to, brings it to our attention. Our first instinct will be to deny it, but once the seed is planted, it takes root and grows into something much too big to ignore. Then one day we take a good look at ourselves and are shocked to find that we don’t even recognize the person we are seeing.
We may wonder how we got to this point. And bigger yet, is the realization that the person we are with, may not be in love with us, but the person we became, just to be able to be who they wanted us to be.
This big dose of reality may be hard to swallow at first, but it is an important part of being able to sort out what we are doing to please the other person, from who we really are. Chances are, the things that made us who we were, including the good, the bad, and the ugly, were pretty great as it was. And all the transformation did for us was, diminish our best qualities, leaving us with a generic version of ourselves that has us feeling pretty confused.
A person can only put on an act for so long before it starts to take away from their happiness and peace of mind. No matter how amazing, the person we were able to win over is, our whole relationship with them is a scam if they have no idea who we really are. They may even have some idea that something’s not right, but may not be able to put their finger on what. Unless we went into full change of identity mode, there have to be some parts of us, that are still recognizable, and that in itself should give hope that the relationship will continue if we drop the act, and let our true personality shine through.
Not until we let our guard down and let ourselves be revealed, will we feel truly appreciated and loved. We may lose one person, but we will gain back the one person who matters most, us.
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